All Emotions are valuable and have a place.
If you think a more developed, enlightened human being
is someone who doesn't feel anger, fear or hurt
then your idea of a more developed human being is a sociopath.
Trying to find a constant state of happiness
would be shutting off all of the knowledge & understanding
that your various emotions are giving you about your reality.
The trick is learning to interpret, manage and respond to your emotions
with Wisdom and integrity
No-one else has the power to make you think or feel anything…only you can do that. Other people don’t make us feel bad, they may have done something that was unkind, hurtful or completely mean but how you responded to that is all about you and not about them. You do not take responsibility for someone else’s actions, they are responsible for their own behavior but you are responsible for your response to it. It's not what happens to us, what other people do to us that causes the problem it's the way we interpret what happens, the story we tell ourselves and our habitual responses to the world that make us suffer.
Emotions are normal and give us important information. The trick is to allow yourself to receive the message, feel the emotions and then let them go and move on. It's getting stuck in obsessive thinking and feeling that holds us back from our true potential and power in the world.
We all choose our own thoughts and perception and those thoughts bring a chemical reaction in our bodies and an emotional response. We choose what we are going to focus on, what arguments we will replay over and over again and what we think about ourselves. It is when these thoughts are continually negative, obsessive, untrue, distorted, exaggerated and dysfunctional that depression, anxiety and other negative emotions become our regular way of being.
When you make the decision that you want to feel good, that feeling good is the most important thing in your life and you will settle for nothing less, then real change can begin. When you feel good everything works better, you are a better mother, sister, wife and employee and your life becomes almost effortless rather than a daily struggle to survive. When you practice feeling good you are loving yourself and you are in the flow of the Universe. From that place you have access to different thoughts, idea and inspiration and you can create a different version of your life. It's like you move yourself to a timeline where things work out instead of dragging yourself from one crisis to the next.
This isn’t rocket science, it is extremely simple. What have you done today to make yourself feel good? What did you do yesterday? What conversation did you share in, or activity did you engage in, that you knew before you even started would end up making you feel worse? What stories have you been telling yourself or repeating in your mind? The first step towards healing is about self-awareness. When you love someone you have a driving desire to get to know everything about them. Do you know yourself? How do you do your particular version of feeling like shit? What is your strategy? What thoughts do you hold, what things do you do, what do you say to yourself to make it happen? How do you know when it’s time to be anxious, angry or overwhelmed? Are you very good at it?
Most people who suffer from volatile emotions are. They’ve practiced it over and over again until they are great at it! We don’t know that we are doing this because no-one ever taught us to be any different. Some people have been lucky and had role models in their life who showed them a positive way of Beng in the world, a happier perspective. However, even people with positive, happy parents can end up living with depression, anxiety and negative emotions.
Many woman are the survivors of a dysfunctional family that may have included alcohol or drug abuse, mental illness, narcissitic, physical, mental or emotional abuse. If this is you it is highly likely that early trauma has caused your brain to wire and fire in unhealthy ways. Your mind has been programmed with unhealthy coping strategies, thoughts and beliefs.
All addictions, for instance; drugs, alcohol, food, gambling are a respnse to childhood trauma and abuse. They are the coping strategies your younger self found to cope with and manage your negative emotions. At the time the strategy worked and brought feelings of relief but then the negative consequences of the addiction kick in at some point on this journey.
Many people have little memory of their childhood and sometimes tell themselves a story that their childhood was perfect. Unfortunately that doesn't mean there wans't something that caused you as a small child to feel abandoned, rejected, unsafe, hurt, not lovable or filled with the shame of not being good enough. The emotional life of a child is a delecate thing. Responsive and aware parents are able to quickly repair negative feelings in their children with loving attention but what if your parents were struggling themselves, busy, emotionally absent or distracted at the time? Your current emotional over-reactions and uncontrollable negative emotions can be flashbacks from childhood trauma and in the worst cases of trauma over a long period of time, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, that stays with you for life until you address your core issues.
To get well you have to go on a journey, it won't happen quickly, it may have taken you years to become the way you are so it is also likely it may take you time to undo the damage and heal.
You will learn in time to gently monitor, in every moment of every day, how you feel. It will be no big deal, it’s like monitoring whether you are hungry or thirsty. When you notice that you don’t feel good you will come to understand why as you expand your self-awareness and do the things you are about to learn so that you can quickly and easily get back to feeling good again.
It’s all about feeling good in as many moments of each and every day that you can. It’s about being happy in your own skin, being at peace with you and if you aren’t content with some aspect then knowing what to do and having the power to change. It’s your journey, it’s your life.
Transforming and managing negative emotional states is a process that looks something like this:
1. Self-Awareness - You have to know what your issues are and not just about your symptoms but discover the root cause. You need to understand what is dysfunctional about your perception, neuroception, cognition and your reaction to the world. Understanding your autonomic defense system is key.
2. Knowledge - You have to feed your mind with as much information as you can on the topic of your issue, until you have a good grasp of the subject.
3. Counselling & Psychotherapy - It's important to understand how you got where you are, know what triggers you and why. You have to allow yourself to grieve, heal and re-parent your child or traumatised past self. If you have experienced child hood trauma, emotional abandonment or abuse this step is vital for you. This step should include counselling and therapies that can work with your unconscious mind eg; Mindfulness, Hypnosis, EMDR, EFT, Somatic Therapy.
You will need to learn new tools and strategies of thinking, feeling and responding. Learn how to manage your disregulated emotions, triggers and protect yourself in unsafe environments and from unsafe people.
You will work with Reea in your Intuitive Coaching Session to continue your journey of healing, get answers to your questions and gain insight into your personal story.
If you're going to get into control of your emotions you have to begin by understanding how your mind works and learning to manage your thoughts. These strategies will be repeated and reinforced in chapter 3 of my book 'Get Back Your Mojo'
Download and read Reea's book 'Get Back Your Mojo: Ultimate Secrets to Beating Anxiety and Depression'.
This book contains 11 strategies to begin your healing journey. Work through the book in whatever way works for you, you don't have to read it from front to back. You will find some strategies more personally helpful to you than others and will want to continue using them. There may be some that don't work for you, your healing journey is unique and personal, your job is to find out what empowers you the most and discard what doesn't.
5 Strategies to manage intense emotions in the moment. This will reinforce some of the things you have already learnt from a practical perspective.
Meditation is a practice, just like exercising the body that helps you to calm your emotions and control your mind. Every time your mind wanders off into random thinking, gently return to focusing on the breath or a mantra. Like your muscles getting used to lifting weights, your mind will get used to focusing with intention on what you choose to focus on. Start with just a few minutes and extend your meditation time as your practice gets easier.
Healthy boundaries are a vital part of good relationships with lovers, children, family, friends and co-workers. Many of us did not learn healthy boundaries especially if we grew up in dysfunctional families. Learning how to set boundaries will help you stay calm in moments of stress around others and keep you safe.
When we are anxious, uncomfortable or feeling unsafe or attacked our limbic system, attempting rescue, activates the fight/flight/freeze/fawn response. Your body pumps adrenaline and cortisol and pulls your awareness out of your body, as you go into autopilot. It's a protective response but you can't stay there. To access your highest potential you need to be able to ground yourself back into your body and the Earth. Here is a grounding meditation that will help you do that.
Write down any questions you have to discuss with Reea
during your Empowerment Session
If you are ready to take your healing journey to the next level take a look at our Intuitive Coaching Programs or delve deeper into your unconscious programming with PsychoSpiritual Therapy