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Three in five women have suffered abuse at the hands of someone who was supposed to love them. Some of this abuse began in childhood. The scars of physical, emotional and psychological abuse stay with us for a lifetime, affect all our relationships and get handed down from one generation to the next. We teach our daughters how to be women, not by what we say but by what we do. Healing ourselves will help heal the World.
No-one else has the power to make you think or feel anything…only you can do that. Other people don’t make us feel bad, they may have done something that was unkind, hurtful or completely mean but how you responded to that is all about you and not about them. You do not take responsibility for someone else’s actions, they are responsible for their own behavior but you are responsible for your response to it.
We all choose our own thoughts and perception and those thoughts bring a chemical reaction in our bodies and an emotional response. We choose what we are going to focus on, what arguments we will replay over and over again and what we think about ourselves. It is when these thoughts are continually negative, obsessive, untrue, distorted, exaggerated and dysfunctional that depression and anxiety become our regular way of being.
All addictions (drugs, alcohol, food, gambling) anxiety, chronic depression and the majority of mental illness is the result of childhood trauma and abuse.
Many people have little memory of their childhood and sometimes tell a story that their childhood was happy, this doesn't mean there is not significant trauma that they have repressed as a coping strategy. Your emotional over-reactions and uncontrollable negative emotions are usually flashbacks from childhood trauma that causes Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that stays with us for life until we address our core issues.
What we need to do is take control of ourselves, acknowledge our story and focus our attention on healing and finding peace and happiness.
When you make the decision that you want to feel good, that feeling good is the most important thing in your life and you will settle for nothing less, then real change can begin. When you feel good everything works better, you are a better mother, sister, wife and employee and your life becomes almost effortless rather than a daily struggle to survive. When you practice feeling good you are loving yourself and you are in the flow.
This isn’t rocket science, it is extremely simple. What have you done today to make yourself feel good? What did you do yesterday? What conversation did you share in, or activity did you engage in, that you knew before you even started would end up making you feel worse? What stories have you been telling yourself or repeating in your mind? The first step towards healing is about self-awareness. When you love someone you have a driving desire to get to know everything about them. Do you know yourself? How do you do depression and anxiety? What is your strategy? What thoughts do you hold, what things do you do, what do you say to yourself to make it happen? How do you know when it’s time to be anxious? Are you very good at it? Most people who suffer from depression and anxiety are. They’ve practiced it over and over again until they are great at it! We don’t know that we are doing this because no-one ever taught us to be any different. Some people have been lucky and had role models in their life who modeled a happier perspective but even people with positive, happy parents can end up living with depression an anxiety. Many woman are, like me, the survivors of a dysfunctional family that may have included alcohol or drug abuse, mental illness, narcissitic abuse or physical, mental or emotional abuse. If this is you it is highly likely that early trauma has caused your brain to wire and fire in unhealthy ways. Your mind has been programmed with unhealthy coping strategies, thoughts and beliefs.
To get well you have to go on a journey, it won't happen quickly, it may have taken you years to become the way you are so it is also likely it may take you years to undo the damage and heal.
You will learn in time to gently monitor, in every moment of every day, how you feel. It will be no big deal, it’s like monitoring whether you are hungry or thirsty. When you notice that you don’t feel too good you will do the things you are about to learn so that you can quickly and easily get back to feeling good again.
It’s all about feeling good in as many moments of each and every day that you can. It’s about being happy in your own skin, being happy with you and if you aren’t happy with some aspect then changing it. It’s your journey, it’s your life.
Healing from negative emotional states, anxiety, depression, anger and childhood trauma and abuse is a process that looks like this:
1. Self-Awareness - You have to know what your issues really are and not just about your symptoms but discover the root cause. You need to understand what is dysfunctional about your perception of yourself and the world.
2. Knowledge - You have to feed your cognitive mind with as much information as you can on the topic of your issue, research, read books, reach out to teachers, mentors and other victims until you have a good grasp of what you need to do to heal and why
3. Learn new strategies of thinking, feeling and responding.
4. Grieve, Heal and Re-parent your Child Self - If you have experienced child hood trauma, emotional abandonment or abuse this is vital
This course will help you with Steps 1, 2 and 3. My Intuitive Coaching Program will expand on 1-3 and also work on 4.
If you're going to get into control of your emotions you have to begin by understanding how your mind works and learning to control your thoughts. These strategies will be repeated and reinforced in chapter 3 of my book 'Get Back Your Mojo' which you will be using as the basis for this course.
Download and read Reea's book 'Get Back Your Mojo: Ultimate Secrets to Beating Anxiety and Depression'.
This book contains 11 strategies to begin your healing journey. Work through the book from beginning to end trying each strategy for 1 week before you move on to the next. You will find some strategies more personally helpful to you than others and will want to continue using them. There may be some that don't work for you, your healing journey is unique and personal, your job is to find out what empowers you the most and discard what doesn't.
5 Strategies to manage intense emotions in the moment. Module 3 will reinforce some of the things you have already learnt from a practical perspective.